Living in my skin has never really been a walk in the park.
I’m sure this is the same for most of you!
Being diagnosed with type 1 bipolar disorder a few years ago, answered a few questions for me regarding my past behavior.
Since I was 16 I’ve had grandiose thinking, spent money I don’t have, trust issues, paranoia, depression, high anxiety, disassociation, hallucinations, delusions, etc.
I grew-up in a very unstable home, domestically violent upbringing, and with a mother who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
A really poor combination of reality.
I’ve witnessed things as a child, no one adult or child should have to live through!
In short, my mother was an alcoholic, my father was mostly absent from my life, and I spent most of my upbringing alone.
I had (and still have) very little friends. Always fought with my brother, and rarely held a friendship.
And practically raised my mother.
To this day I am giving my mom life advice. As a child I did all the cooking, paying bills (with the pay my mother would bring home), grocery shopping, and practically raised myself.
I watched my mom cycle through men like a carousel, watched her go through paranoia, and witnessed her crumble to pieces trying to survive. We also moved around to different homes due to my mother’s boredom with each area we lived in.
We moved a minimum of 20 times, from the time I was 5 till the age of 18.
Two of my family members committed suicide, five of my immediate family members have a disorder and/or PTSD.
Its no wonder I have bipolar disorder!
Sometimes I’m amazed I’ve survived this long!
I’m not an alcoholic or drug addict like many of my family members.
I now live a stable and peaceful life with my husband /children. It took many years to get to where I am now!
I regularly visit my therapist, psychiatrist, and counselor. I take my medication as prescribed, and have found an even ground with management and stability.
I’m frankly to afraid to miss my medication doses, as I don’t want to go into mania or fall prey to drugs and alcohol as some of my family members did.
Instead of falling prey to bad habits, I started blogging, created an app, and developed a website!
For those who wonder why I’ve started blogging and created Bipolar Maniac…
One of the reasons I created Bipolar Maniac was to reach out to others who are also bipolar. Others who are going through a struggle, and so no one feels alone!
When I was diagnosed, I had a difficult time finding good resources to help me understand what I had, not to mention understand what prescriptions I was taking, etc.
My app, available in the Windows Phone Store, and my website, give those searching for answers an encompassing resource to all things bipolar!
My story is different than yours, your story is different than mine. But we are all in this together!
You are not alone!