My Bipolar Ghosts

When I was a little girl, I believed I was being haunted by ghosts.
I often saw what I called a shadowy figure/silhouette “Dark Man!” It looks like a silhouette of a man about 6-feet tall.

This figure haunts me up to this day. Sometimes it was accompanied by a deep male voice calling out my name.

What I saw as haunting turned out to be a hallucination.

I was diagnosed about 4-years ago with type 1 bipolar disorder. As I would find out it was not ghosts but something in my head.

For a few decades I believed in the paranormal. I studied it, read numerous articles, and followed social media on it.

To my surprise, I was also diagnosed with psychosis, a form of hallucinations and delusions.

You can imagine my surprise finding out I wasn’t crazy, but was a bit crazy!

When manic, I experience hallucinations. It has progressed over the years. I see more images that haunt me, and there usually accompanied by voices or the sound of music.

No one around me hears or see’s what I do. That alone was a trigger for me, a confirmation I was alone in this experience.

I don’t have control over these episodes. They last several minutes at a time. They also can occur several consistent days at a time.

I’ve tried praying to make them go away with no luck. I’ve tried closing my eyes and thinking of a happy place to distract my mind into making it disappear. Usually with no luck.

It just has to go away on its own.

My psychiatrist has me on 2-antipsychotics, 1-anticonvulsant, and 1-antidepressant.

These help, but on occasion I have a breakthrough episode.

I have experienced these episodes during depression, but it’s not as bad as during mania.

I really don’t know how to manage these episodes outside of medication. I do attend therapy every week. But there’s only so much my therapist can offer me in respects to handling these moments.

A few of her suggests are:

  • Keep a log to better confer with my psychiatrist
  • Try finding a task to distract the moment
  • Turn on all the lights in the house if dark out
  • Call a friend, family member or crisis hotline
  • Turn on the radio or TV

These have helped me deter some of those scary moments.

For whatever reason when I was young these figures didn’t seem so scary as ghosts. But as hallucinations they terrify me.

The delusions I experience are generally during mania too, when I have grandiose thinking.

I have experienced the thought I was super woman and could do anything I put my mind too. Mind you I didn’t think I could fly, but though I had super powers and there was absolutely nothing that could stand in my way!

I spent money on all sorts of things from body art to blowing money at a black friday sale at WalMart. Mind you this was at midnight.

I would go to the local bar and sing karaoke. In my defense I don’t sound bad but still in my right mind I’d NEVER have the courage to do so.

So you see why psychosis is a haunting issue for me. If it’s not the hallucinations or voices, it’s the delusions that haunt me.

I can say that with the proper medications and therapy, I have been more stable and haven’t had a full-blown episode in a couple years.

I can’t implore to you enough, if you experience hallucinations or delusions to talk it over with your psychiatrist, primary care physician, and therapist. They can help!

Credit Photo

bipolar haunted



Living with type 1 bipolar disorder, PTSD (due to childhood trauma), Rapid Cycling, and Seasonal Affective Disorder. Writing about my life experiences.

5 thoughts on “My Bipolar Ghosts

  • Avatar
    May 26, 2015 at 9:10 am

    Life is sometimes crapy with bipolar your stable and then the merry go round whizzing head hits you like a train

  • Avatar
    May 27, 2015 at 11:25 pm

    Really got something from your post. I have friends with bipolar and it has always amazed me how they cope. I have depression and anxiety, and that is enough for me. I would like to add your post to my blog as a re blog if you don’t mind?
    Could I also contact you re doing a guest post for me?


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