When I was a little girl, I believed I was being haunted by ghosts.
I often saw what I called a shadowy figure/silhouette “Dark Man!” It looks like a silhouette of a man about 6-feet tall.
This figure haunts me up to this day. Sometimes it was accompanied by a deep male voice calling out my name.
What I saw as haunting turned out to be a hallucination.
I was diagnosed about 4-years ago with type 1 bipolar disorder. As I would find out it was not ghosts but something in my head.
For a few decades I believed in the paranormal. I studied it, read numerous articles, and followed social media on it.
To my surprise, I was also diagnosed with psychosis, a form of hallucinations and delusions.
You can imagine my surprise finding out I wasn’t crazy, but was a bit crazy!
When manic, I experience hallucinations. It has progressed over the years. I see more images that haunt me, and there usually accompanied by voices or the sound of music.
No one around me hears or see’s what I do. That alone was a trigger for me, a confirmation I was alone in this experience.
I don’t have control over these episodes. They last several minutes at a time. They also can occur several consistent days at a time.
I’ve tried praying to make them go away with no luck. I’ve tried closing my eyes and thinking of a happy place to distract my mind into making it disappear. Usually with no luck.
It just has to go away on its own.
My psychiatrist has me on 2-antipsychotics, 1-anticonvulsant, and 1-antidepressant.
These help, but on occasion I have a breakthrough episode.
I have experienced these episodes during depression, but it’s not as bad as during mania.
I really don’t know how to manage these episodes outside of medication. I do attend therapy every week. But there’s only so much my therapist can offer me in respects to handling these moments.
A few of her suggests are:
- Keep a log to better confer with my psychiatrist
- Try finding a task to distract the moment
- Turn on all the lights in the house if dark out
- Call a friend, family member or crisis hotline
- Turn on the radio or TV
These have helped me deter some of those scary moments.
For whatever reason when I was young these figures didn’t seem so scary as ghosts. But as hallucinations they terrify me.
The delusions I experience are generally during mania too, when I have grandiose thinking.
I have experienced the thought I was super woman and could do anything I put my mind too. Mind you I didn’t think I could fly, but though I had super powers and there was absolutely nothing that could stand in my way!
I spent money on all sorts of things from body art to blowing money at a black friday sale at WalMart. Mind you this was at midnight.
I would go to the local bar and sing karaoke. In my defense I don’t sound bad but still in my right mind I’d NEVER have the courage to do so.
So you see why psychosis is a haunting issue for me. If it’s not the hallucinations or voices, it’s the delusions that haunt me.
I can say that with the proper medications and therapy, I have been more stable and haven’t had a full-blown episode in a couple years.
I can’t implore to you enough, if you experience hallucinations or delusions to talk it over with your psychiatrist, primary care physician, and therapist. They can help!