Mental Rollercoaster

It’s been a while since I wrote. My apologies. I have been through a lot in the last few months! I lost my home, had to rehome one of my dogs, and battling severe depression. While time heals all, I have been lost in a crazy unstable mental world!

My depression started 8-months ago. I tried to manage on my own, but finally reached out for help. My Psych started me on Zoloft. I have been on it for over 5-months. I have had 3 dose increases. Unfortunately, it hasn’t worked. I feel like I’m taking a placebo for depression.

I have an appointment with my Pdoc this Friday. I’m going to ask to be switched to a new medication. Prozac is the only medication that I have used that works for me. Sadly, it also thrusts me into mania. I have a history of depression, and have only been on Prozac. So, I’m at that experimental stage of “what will work,” again.

For the past few days I feel like I’m going up and down, mentally.

I also have started drinking again. Nothing to worrisome, a few beers here and there but I feel like I use it as a crutch to get through the day. Not to worry anyone, but I am keeping tabs on it. I am still managing to take my medications as prescribed, regardless. I just feel lost!

I recently started my weight loss journey. I’ve gained a significant amount of weight over time, due to depression and medication side effects. Battling depression makes setting and achieving goals difficult, but I’m feeling determined and really want to lose weight. I want to feel comfortable in my skin, and feel proud to look in the mirror.

I have a journal I keep for weight loss. I read it yesterday and was sad. I’ve been trying to lose weight for over 6-years! I initially lost over 80 lbs. in 2010/2011. I lost 80 lbs. in a matter of 6-7 months. It was before I was diagnosed with type 1 bipolar disorder. I was severely manic at the time. I was exercising over 2-hours a day, everyday and hardly ate. I was surprisingly easy (in my mind) to lose the weight back then. Probably because I was manic and living in a complete fog.

After I was diagnosed, I started on Lithium to help bring me down from mania. It did the trick, except my side effects were nasty and I chose to discontinue it’s use. I now take Zyprexa for mood stability. I’ve been on it for 2-years, it has been the only mood stabilizer that has worked with minimal side effects.

I’m happy to report I have moved into a new home. It was touch-and-go for a bit, trying to find a new home but all has worked out! I’m trying to stay positive, and have been leaning on my husband to help me get through this depression. I have set some simple daily goals to help motivate me each day. So far, so good!

I also recently started interacting on social media again. I’ve missed all the good conversations, and positive support!

I promise to continue writing. It feels good and therapeutic to get it all out. I will keep you all abreast of my progress.

Feel free to comment, I love interacting with you all!  

 

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bipolarme

bipolarme

Living with type 1 bipolar disorder, PTSD (due to childhood trauma), Rapid Cycling, and Seasonal Affective Disorder. Writing about my life experiences.

2 thoughts on “Mental Rollercoaster

  • July 17, 2017 at 1:00 pm
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    Misty I’m sorry for all you’ve been through and I can relate to a lot of it. Just know that I’m here for support and encouragement!

    Reply
  • July 18, 2017 at 1:02 pm
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    Thank you for sharing your experience.
    It is a process, the medical recovery and staying on track. Journaling and reaching out help me. Good luck and again thank you for sharing your feelings and experiences, Keep sharing

    Reply

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