Mania Again?

mania again

 

Today I hit this realization I am in full blown mania.

I thought it was hypomania, until I realized at my psychiatrist appointment that I’m in full-blown mania!

Sometimes its hard to tell, but I’ve got all the red flags. Fast speech, spending money, projects, flight of ideas, and the urge to take off.

So far, I’ve destroyed my working relationship with my husband. We were working on an internet project together, and I just got so mean and ugly with him that he quit the project. Frankly, I quit well before him.

I dropped the ball leaving him to complete it all himself. I even started to talk bad about the project.

As I said I went to see my psychiatrist the other day, and he was surprised by all I reported. He gave me a medication overhaul.

Now I see him again in a week, instead of a month. He even encouraged me to seek out help through the crisis center.

This I am ultimately afraid of. Why? Because, I’m afraid they’ll call the authorities and take me away to a psych hospital.

I’ve never called crisis before, and don’t really know what will happen. But, hindsight is 20/20…right?

I take my medication religiously, and can’t believe I couldn’t see this mania coming!

I’ve tried diligently to curb some if these emotions I’m experiencing. The shopping is hard not to do, the feeling I should take off is equally hard.

But I know if I do, it’s only going to make matters worse.

Maybe I will call crisis.

Oh, lord…what to do?

I’m currently on 4- medications. Two of them are antipsychotics. I’m hoping this coupled with trying to take control will end my mania soon.

My other worry is my level of energy. I’ve been on an exercise kick. I’m on my treadmill for over an hour a day. Yes, daily!

Depression usually follows mania, and I’m on the watch for this too!

I know I’m not alone. As many are in the same boat as i am right now.

My husband is my caregiver, and a great one at that! He’s been my major supporter in all of this. Seeing that I get to my doctors appointments, and taking my medication, among a few things.

This is the worst time to be going through a manic episode. With Christmas right around the corner and all. I certainly need and want to get my head straight!

Unfortunately, my therapist is away and I’m left with this episode without professional guidance. But, I know i will survive!

I will continue to fight my urges, and will continue to battling my thoughts.

I know many of you can relate.

Please share your experience of mania,and how you cope.

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bipolarme

bipolarme

Living with type 1 bipolar disorder, PTSD (due to childhood trauma), Rapid Cycling, and Seasonal Affective Disorder. Writing about my life experiences.

2 thoughts on “Mania Again?

  • December 12, 2014 at 3:10 pm
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    It’s the dramatic drop from mania to depression that sucks. At least for me it is. The mania is fun. I’m the king of the world, I can conqueror any challenge and defeate all foes. Then I cant. I can’t get out of bed, I can’t shower and I can’t eat. You probably know the rest.

    God bless you and good luck. I pray your journey is safe and not to dramatic.

    Reply
  • December 12, 2014 at 9:49 pm
    Permalink

    Does writing about it help you? It seems like putting it down on paper, making it concrete, might actually influence how you feel – or is the effect so minimal that it doesn’t really register? I’m just very impressed that you’re able to write about it so calmly and rationally when that can’t be at all how you’re feeling.

    Reply

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