Life’s Roller Coaster

Part of the reason I write these blogs is to share my experiences both with my having bipolar 1 disorder, and my life experiences. There are many ups, and downs but at the end of the day…This is my life!

If already having bipolar 1 disorder, rapid cycling, PTSD, and high anxiety wasn’t enough, I have recently been diagnosed with a seizure disorder.

I’m not really sure how to take that, but I’m managing as well as can be expected. I was having dropping spells and losing conciseness for a brief moment back in April. Not knowing what was going on, I went to see a neurologist for tests. They came back with seizure activity in my brain.

So, that answered the question as to why I was falling and losing conciseness.

I already was taking an anticonvulsant for mood stability, so my neurologist just increased my dose to help manage my seizure disorder. So far, so good! To add to it all, I haven’t been allowed to drive my car due to the liability of a possible seizure while I drive. I’m hoping in the coming weeks as my medicine kicks in and my pending follow-up visit to my neurologist, hoping he will clear me to drive again.

It’s been 3months since I’ve been behind the wheel, and my poor husband has been the sole driver since.

In the last few months, not only have I experienced this medical condition but my husband and I have lost or business and found out we have lost our home, and have to move. We’ve lived in our house for almost 6 years, and only owed our business for a few months when we had to close. So many roller coasters in a few months. Life feels like a serious kick in the stomach!

We are struggling to wrap our heads around all of this. Unfortunately, due to all that has happened I’ve fallen into depression. Not a surprising issue but it sucks nonetheless! I’ve been trying to keep a stiff upper lip but I’m struggling to see the silver lining.

To add to matters, I also lost my psychiatrist I’ve seen for the last 3 or so years. The facility I was seeing him in closed, then they transferred my case to county mental health. In which I was told by my psychiatrist that he was also moving over to county mental health and I would still continue seeing him. When I went to my appointment, I found out he decided to quit! I was not happy!

To add insult to injury, the clinic didn’t even have me down for an appointment. Luckily, I still have 2-refills on my medication to get me through until I can see another psychiatrist. Although, (here’s the kicker) the clinic doesn’t have any on-site psychiatrists. So I had to make an appointment to see a doctor via video conferencing. Basically it’s like skype. I no longer see a doctor face-to-face, only through video chat.

I’m not really into Skype or video conferencing, so this is really going to be interesting to say the least.

Seeing a new psychiatrist, I have worries. As most want to put you on different medications. The medications I take now (Trileptal, Zyprexa, and Ativan) work great for me. Aside from a little depression, I’m the most stable I’ve been in 5 years! So, I’m concerned that the new doctor will want to put me on different medication. My husband always goes with me to my doctor’s appointments, and he already stated he is going to fight with me to stay on the regime I’m already taking. Keeping fingers crossed!

I know they say things come in three’s, but I’ve been dealt more than that this year!

I’m going to really work hard to change my situation to a positive outlook! I really want to find that silver lining! I’m not feeling sorry for myself, just a bit frustrated with it all. I will definitely keep you all posted with positive changes, and thank you all for your kind support!

Please feel free to comment on this post. I love to hear your feedback!

 

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bipolarme

bipolarme

Living with type 1 bipolar disorder, PTSD (due to childhood trauma), Rapid Cycling, and Seasonal Affective Disorder. Writing about my life experiences.

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Dr. Stephen Covey

Every human has four endowments- self-awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change.

Demi Lovato

No matter what you're going through, there's a light at the end of the tunnel and it may seem hard to get to it but you can do it and just keep working towards it and you'll find the positive side of things.

Elbert Hubbard

Positive anything is better than negative nothing.