Growing up with a parent who didn’t know until her 50’s. But all the signs were there!
I guess for the most part my childhood was anything but average.
My mom dated alot, and some not so savory fellows. She had an attachment issue to them one day, then the next couldn’t get far enough away from them!
She struggled with abandonment issues, she feared being left alone. Which is where I come in. You see, my mother and I don’t have your typical relationship. She’s the child, I’m the adult.
It’s always been that way ever since I could remember. I would pay the bills for her because it was too stressful. Pay the rent for her, even do the grocery shopping for her.
She was always paranoid. If someone came to our door she would look ever so carefully through the blinds to see who it was, and if it was someone she wanted to talk to.
Eventually, she would have a peep-hole installed in our front door for easier view.
So you see, I already grew-up paranoid. This later would not help my diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder.
My mother was also an alcoholic. She drank heavily at times, and on occasion got belligerent. I remember one time she was so drunk, she passed out on the toilet! This placed a dilemma on me as I would eventually have to use the restroom. So, I pulled her off the toilet and onto the floor. She stayed like that for hours. When she woke, she couldn’t remember or figure out how she got there.
There are many of these stories, but I won’t bore you with them.
She had a history of not being able to care for herself. She always came to me for advice. As if at 5-years old I had all the answers! My mother raised me like a friend, not a daughter.
To this day we can talk about anything, but mostly she asks my opinion on everything. From cooking to cleaning to relationships, and her bills.
I’ve never had a mother per say. But I’ve always had a best friend in my mom.
As I said she wasn’t diagnosed until her 50’s. This came about because she was drunk in public, and belligerent. She got arrested, and put on 5150 (psych hold) at the local hospital.
There she got proper treatment, and was diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder.
Once I learned of it, and studied up on the subject, all the pieces of the puzzle fit!
Years upon years of living a crazy life with this woman, and finally there was a name for her demeanor all these years! I was not happy for her being BPD, but happy to know my childhood wasn’t normal and that I wasn’t crazy to think otherwise!
My mom has gone through many, many ups and down over the years. Like your typical BPD would. She is now on a managed care plan. Receiving treatment for her BPD. She is much more managed now, and for the first time in her existence lives alone.
She has profusely apologized to me for her antics in the past and we’ve gotten over a large hill together. I love my mom dearly, and only want her safe and happy in this world.
I’m sure I will have more to say, but for now you get the idea!
If you or a family member have BPD, and want to share your story. Please do so in the comments or personally DM me via twitter.