I Have Bipolar Disorder, My Mom has Borderline Personality Disorder

borderline-personality-disorder

Growing up with a parent who didn’t know until her 50’s. But all the signs were there!

I guess for the most part my childhood was anything but average.

My mom dated alot, and some not so savory fellows. She had an attachment issue to them one day, then the next couldn’t get far enough away from them!

She struggled with abandonment issues, she feared being left alone. Which is where I come in. You see, my mother and I don’t have your typical relationship. She’s the child, I’m the adult.

abandoment issues

It’s always been that way ever since I could remember. I would pay the bills for her because it was too stressful. Pay the rent for her, even do the grocery shopping for her.

She was always paranoid. If someone came to our door she would look ever so carefully through the blinds to see who it was, and if it was someone she wanted to talk to.

Eventually, she would have a peep-hole installed in our front door for easier view.

So you see, I already grew-up paranoid. This later would not help my diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder.

paranoid1

My mother was also an alcoholic. She drank heavily at times, and on occasion got belligerent. I remember one time she was so drunk, she passed out on the toilet! This placed a dilemma on me as I would eventually have to use the restroom. So, I pulled her off the toilet and onto the floor. She stayed like that for hours. When she woke, she couldn’t remember or figure out how she got there.

alcoholic

There are many of these stories, but I won’t bore you with them.

She had a history of not being able to care for herself. She always came to me for advice. As if at 5-years old I had all the answers! My mother raised me like a friend, not a daughter.

To this day we can talk about anything, but mostly she asks my opinion on everything. From cooking to cleaning to relationships, and her bills.

I’ve never had a mother per say. But I’ve always had a best friend in my mom.

As I said she wasn’t diagnosed until her 50’s. This came about because she was drunk in public, and belligerent. She got arrested, and put on 5150 (psych hold) at the local hospital.

5150 hold

There she got proper treatment, and was diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder.

Once I learned of it, and studied up on the subject, all the pieces of the puzzle fit!

Years upon years of living a crazy life with this woman, and finally there was a name for her demeanor all these years! I was not happy for her being BPD, but happy to know my childhood wasn’t normal and that I wasn’t crazy to think otherwise!

My mom has gone through many, many ups and down over the years. Like your typical BPD would. She is now on a managed care plan. Receiving treatment for her BPD. She is much more managed now, and for the first time in her existence lives alone.

treatment plan

She has profusely apologized to me for her antics in the past and we’ve gotten over a large hill together. I love my mom dearly, and only want her safe and happy in this world.

I’m sure I will have more to say, but for now you get the idea!

 

If you or a family member have BPD, and want to share your story. Please do so in the comments or personally DM me via twitter.

 

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bipolarme

bipolarme

Living with type 1 bipolar disorder, PTSD (due to childhood trauma), Rapid Cycling, and Seasonal Affective Disorder. Writing about my life experiences.

0 thoughts on “I Have Bipolar Disorder, My Mom has Borderline Personality Disorder

  • August 18, 2014 at 5:26 pm
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    I find that it’s rare to have older relatives with an actual diagnosis. I’ve often wondered if my mother, father, or both were undiagnosed bipolars. The way my mother was always so unpredictable. I mean, how terrifying she was for months on end, and weirdly creative and energetic the next few. Her inability to hold down work when I was a kid. Then my father, he went from doing completely ape-shit things in public and getting arrested, to being one of the most gentle, loving, giving men I’ve ever know. In his younger years, he would go through this in a kind of cycle. He was even an alcoholic for some of it. Though he kicked that habit for the sake of us, his kids.

    I remember my father being weirdly paranoid about police officers, game wardens, and anybody showing up at our door for years on end. I remember him flipping his lid completely some weeks when he was pulled over by the police for minor things like drive programs. Then, months later, same thing happens and he’s peaceful as the Dalai Lama or something.

    He would also get these months where he had no energy. His doctor couldn’t find anything physically wrong with him even though he had no energy and felt sick for weeks. They eventually made up some crap about it being a heart problem, but none of his vitals indicated it was true. They just didn’t know, and that kind of thing has happened to me in depressive episodes.

    I’m lucky in that my father did a really good job at caring for his kids after my mother ran away. There were some rough years when he was an alcoholic and he always felt bad for that. I mean, he always apologized to us repeatedly, but we loved him so very much. His death was a shock.

    In fact, his death is what triggered the worst episode of my life. I lost everything, my business, my ability to even function on a weekly basis. I wasn’t expecting it to hit like that. I was able to manage unmedicated for a very long time, but I can’t any longer.

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