Depressed And Alone

It’s really hard to handle, live through, and manage depression.
I’ve been depressed for about 4-months now.

My psychiatrist put me on Effexor to help me combat my depression. So far (as I thought) I beat it. For 8-days now I’ve been doing fairly well.

Until today!

Why is today different? Honestly I don’t know.

My eyes feel heavy, my mind is cluttered with negativity, I’m afraid to be alive but also afraid to die. I’m having panic attacks, cry easily, my emotions are on a roller coaster, and I feel as if I can’t do anything right!

I reassure to you all, I am NOT suicidal.

Feeling this burden is weighing heavy on my mind, and my day-to-day!

I’ve discussed this in therapy but lack any resolve to it.

I’m afraid to call crisis, as I fear they will hospitalize me. I don’t want to go to the hospital!

I’m honestly afraid of my feelings, but who isn’t in this type of situation.

I’m working with my therapist on a technique call “resourcing.” It’s like zoning out with your eyes closed, and finding a place from within where you feel safe. It’s a grounding technique.

I’m working hard to do this, in hopes I will be able to calm my emotions down.

Anyone who has gone through this can relate to the feelings and emotions, and the difficulty of hurdling this hump.

I’m nothing special in that area!

I do find solace in my writing. It helps clear my head. I also keep a mood journal. It helps me track my daily moods.

Mind you, I don’t write in it daily as I should, but write in it at least a few times a week.

I do talk things out with my husband (my caretaker), this helps me when I’m in-between therapy appointments.

bipolar and aloneSo, I’m not at a loss for tools to help myself along.

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Living with type 1 bipolar disorder, PTSD (due to childhood trauma), Rapid Cycling, and Seasonal Affective Disorder. Writing about my life experiences.

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