So, I’ve sort of avoided this topic. The topic of the relationship between my dad and I.
I was (as you know) raised by my single BPD mother. As you see, my parents separated when I was a young child. I visited my dad on varied weekends when they separated.
When I was about 7-years old I was molested. After that my dad looked at me very differently. My dad is also a follower of the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Their religion frowns on “the damaged”. In fact, that is how my dad has seen me since, and has referred to me as…damaged!
My dad remarried, and had two other kids. In essence he started all over again. Part of the problem is he was not divorced from my mom. In the US, they call that bigamy.
They finalized their divorce when I was 13. By this time my dad had been married to his new wife for 5-years.
When my dad married my step mom, he told her that he was married prior but that his wife died of cancer, and they didn’t have any children.
One day, my step mom saw a picture of a little girl who looked just like my dad! She asked my aunt who it was, and to my aunts surprise she said it was my dad’s daughter(she was pregnant at the time with their first child). And that’s how my step mom got introduced to me.
As you can see, my dad wasn’t an upstanding man of truth. Oh, and by the way my mom is still alive and well!
When I was 9 I was visiting my cousin in Northern California. At this point I hadn’t seen or heard from my dad in a couple of years. He talked my mom into letting him visit with me.
Boy, was I excited! After all it had seen my dad in a couple of years. Unbeknownst to me he had a new family, a new life.
I flew back to Southern California, got off the plane, and saw my dad! Although, something was off. There was a lady with a stroller standing awfully close to him. I ran off the plane, hugged my dad and he said “this is your new mom and baby sister!” WHAT!!! HUH!!!
At the age of 9 I couldn’t comprehend what just happened. All of a sudden, I realized why he hadn’t called or seen me for the last few years. He was literally replacing me!
Needless to say, my step mom always felt threatened by me. Can’t say I blame her. After all, how I was introduced to her was shocking.
Just as the way I was introduced to her. She never (to this day) treated me very kind. I am a sad reminder of her husbands past, his lies, and his other life.
As I’ve mentioned before, I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness but left when I was 16. This further complicated matters between me and my dad. I was already damaged goods, now I was a worldly person. His religion frowns on association with outsiders. As one, my father distanced himself from me even more.
When I got pregnant at 16, he further distanced himself. Telling me I was not only damaged but a heathen. Thus began the separation. From here on out I would only have contact with my dad by phone every few years (still the same way to this day).
When I got married the first time, he refused to come (I didn’t even bother to invite him to my second wedding).
When my second child was born, I didn’t tell him about her until she was two. Same for my last child. After all what would be the point. He’s never been a grandpa to my kids even in name sake.
As you see, we’ve had a hard relationship. I’m not proud of it. It actually saddens me. So much so I’m in therapy over it. The self-proclaimed daddy issues!
At my age with grown children, I don’t foresee anything being different between us. I’ve learned to accept this no matter how much it hurts.
I do love my dad. I just know he won’t reciprocate the emotion back.
I know I’m not alone with my issue. There are many people with abandonment issues, and PTSD as I.
If you would like to share your story, please do so in the comments. You may also DM me via twitter.