Bipolar The Destroyer

Having bipolar disorder is hard. And going through hypomania is just as tough.

I’m currently going through another hypomanic phase. Although this time instead of cruising through, I destroyed a beautiful partnership.

My husband and I worked together to design me a great app, and developed me a very resourceful website.

I was super excited to be apart of the development of both.

Though as time would tell, I would slowly lose my passion for both. Not because of anything particular but because of my hypomania.

Yep, that beast struck me like a 10lb. sack of potatoes!

I started envying the time my husband spent on the computer to develop these tools. Instead of joining him, I festered in frustration.

Which in turn lead me down the primrose path to me, me, me!

Yes, I literally dropped the ball. I back far away from this project and let him run with it himself.

I began being consumed only on me. Shopping, online window shopping, and exercising vigorously. On occasion forgetting to take my medication (not helping my symptoms).

My husband and I usually work well as a team. We both feed creativity off of each other. But this project I just couldn’t follow through with.

Not a surprise, another project not followed through with, all thanks to bipolar disorder.

My attitude got sour, my demeanor nasty, and I out wittingly spoke crass against our project.

My husband finally had his straw break when I said “I f*#king hate that damn app!”

Well, to be honest I don’t even remember ever saying it. But in my bouts I do forget saying a lot of things.

So now my husband has decided to discontinue working on my app and website. He’ll be there to help me if I have any major problems but the day-to-day tech that he was has ended. I hurt his feelings, upset him, and made him feel like crap in the process. All actions I never intended.

Well, I’m still in hypomania but now have remorse for my actions.

He did make sure my app was in good standing, and my website is all good too!

I’m alone now in management of both and miss the fun interactions we had. Though I can’t say I blame him for stepping away.

My advice to anyone trying out a new project. Be sure you can be vested in time, creativity, and management before taking on a major project.

If you’ve been through similar, share with us in the comments.

bipolarme

bipolarme

Living with type 1 bipolar disorder, PTSD (due to childhood trauma), Rapid Cycling, and Seasonal Affective Disorder. Writing about my life experiences.

2 thoughts on “Bipolar The Destroyer

  • December 3, 2014 at 3:02 am
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    I currently have 7 first chapters and 9 final chapters of books where, by the time I needed to write the middle, I expended all my creative energy, got depressed and then lost interest in the project. Totally relate. Good luck with app and website. 🙂

    Reply
  • December 3, 2014 at 8:27 am
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    Not really “projects” but I feel this is my life in general. All relationships, jobs, friendships. People get soooo tired of it and I can’t blame them. I do too!

    Reply

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